Those Words
by Meggie cronwall
Summary: I always knew the right words to say. Being a double agent I had to have that skill, that's what kept me out of prison all these years. But there are six words that I will never say, that I can't ever say, and those are the words that I need to tell him. But as a traitor I can't and I won't ever whisper those words to him.


_Okay, so this is my first time doing anything for this Fandom. But as I was watching the part when Milady said goodbye inspiration hit me and I wrote this._

_**Disclaimer: Don't own the Three Musketeers or anything else that relates to them. I just own this one-shot.**_

_Hope you guys like it!_

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Love. It's a curious emotion isn't it? It's one that can either make you feel so alive or destroy you with merely a blink of an eye. Many disagree with this, oh, yes so many say that love can only be good thing and that it should be cherished by all…blah, blah, blah. We've all heard the stories and the rumors so I find it useless, not to mention tiring, to tell you everything about them again. Hum…But then again, it really isn't a mystery to why most prefer that side to the emotion; the one that doesn't involve any backstabbing, lies, deceit nor certain heartbreak.

Yes, that truly would put a damper on the old fairytales, wouldn't it? But that side, the side that everybody wants to forget that love has does exist. I should know, as I had a part in it once. I remember the day as if it had just happened, the laughter, the clink of glasses meeting for a toast-and the look of utter betrayal on Athos's face. It was nothing personal, I had told him, all I wanted was the money and Buckingham had made me the better offer. Although I suppose that to him it was rather personal, as I had told him I loved him before betraying him.

But why should I care about the pitiful Musketeers broken heart? Why was my mind suddenly clouded with thoughts of doubt, and dare I say regret? I had merely dismissed the odd feeling then, I had done my job, I would receive my payment and without a trace of sympathy for the poor person who I had deceived, I would walk away from the crime as I always did. So easy, so simple, especially since there were no strings attached.

Well, that's what I had thought at first.

It soon became clear to me that no matter how hard I would try to deny it I did have feelings for the handsome Musketeer whose heart I had shattered. It had started with the memories that haunted my dreams with guilty pleasures; I would lay down in the silk sheets only to find myself dreaming of a meadow with the lovely wild flowers in full bloom and grass so high that it reached my knees. I would be running, loud laughter sounding from my lips as I ran away from the thing, or rather the person who was chasing me. Suddenly I would find myself tackled to the ground, a beautifully familiar masculine laugh erupting from deep within my captor's chest as we rolled in the grass intill we finally came to a halt. Glancing up with a large smile on my face my gaze would fall on Athos's boyish grin and twinkling eyes before he leaned in and whispered a soft "Caught you." Before pressing his soft lips to my own;

I often woke at that point, my brow covered with sweat as though I really had been running and my heart heavy with the odd feelings of guilt and unspeakable longing. Of course I would try to ignore the dreams, as well as the alien pain in my chest every time I awoke from one of those bittersweet memories. But something kept me holding on to those things, something always kept me from locking away the dreams completely; something made me practically beg for the day to end just so that I could relive those blissful moments in my sleep.

However this guilty pleasure couldn't last too long, before long I had to travel to France to consult with the Cardinal about Buckingham's plans. On my there, my guards soon found trouble with a common farm boy; I recall the distress on the handsome youth's face, although his deep blue eyes were stormy with anger and reckless courage in the face of possible death. I must admit, I admired such nerve so I stopped my guards from doing more damage with the simple teasing words of "No! He's too pretty for that."

"Milady," He spoke obviously in surprise before dipping his head in a bow as I raised my eyebrows, daring him to go against my word. Thankfully he didn't, so I was able to continue my voyage to Paris without any…complications.

However, it seemed that those complications were just waiting for the right time to appear; as in the time where they were guaranteed to cause the most chaos in the Cardinal's plans. What were those pesky complications? Who else but the Musketeers, of course, they always were willing to do the stupidest of stunts for a great cause. Apparently saving the Queens reputation and the fate of France was good enough for Athos.

The thought almost made me smile; it was so typical of Athos to act the hero, although in his case it wasn't so much of an act as it was _being_ the hero. As they neared The Tower, I explained everything that I knew about the boy's to my _other_ client Buckingham. I did this because despite the odd feelings I have been feeling, business was still business and I had to be sure that I wouldn't rot away in cell. Besides, I wouldn't be seeing Athos any time soon, I would make sure of that.

Climbing into the carriage I instructed the driver to take me as far away from there as possible. As he started driving I couldn't help but smirk at how naive Buckingham had been as well at how easily the Cardinal had been deceived. Removing my shawl when I was sure that city of London was far behind me, I marveled at the sight of the diamonds around my neck, sparkling in the bright light of the sun. Still grinning at my success I leaned back against the seat; they should've known that I worked for no one but myself.

Suddenly the carriage came to a halt, and not long after that I could hear the sound of latches falling on my door. Grabbing the knocking stick I banged furiously on the top of the carriage "Driver! What the hell is going on?" I demanded angrily, causing the driver to turn towards me as he replied with a small laugh.

"Just doing as you said Miss, As far away from here as possible!" And with a wild laugh he removed his hood, revealing that servant that served…_No, _I thought in disbelief, _They couldn't have…_But as the carriage rose high above the trees I realized the most shocking truth. _Those bloody bastards tricked me! _

But I even as I slumped back into my seat, I opened the secret compartment and grabbed the pistol from its place. _Two can play that game; _I thought smugly once again ignoring the odd pang in my chest. Finally after what seemed like ages, I found myself looking at the sides of a ship and the conversation between Athos and his servant. As his face appeared in the window, I hurriedly stood up, disregarding his command of "Don't" as I pulled the trigger.

Instead of a blast there was only a fetal click, but instead of feeling furious I felt…relieved that I hadn't killed him. _Stop it!_ I scolded myself _Enough of this nonsense! You should not be feeling anything!_ But as I was led up to the deck and Athos loaded his pistol, I felt what he had felt when I had left him. Betrayed.

"Did you kill Buckingham?" I questioned, if he had killed him at least then it would not hurt so much.

"No."

The answer was like a stab through the heart "You would spare him but kill me?" I breathed in shock;

"Yes, I don't hate Buckingham;" Was his cold reply.

That's when for the first time, in a long time I felt tears sting my eyes. But, I may have some chance to redeem myself, if it was only a little. Reaching inside my corset I grabbed ahold of the letter, and in doing so I had three guns pointed in my direction; slowly pulling it out to reveal the rolled up slip of paper I whispered softly "Here, you might find some use for this." Before tossing it onto the table;

His gaze lingered on the letter for a moment before turning back to me "Move," He ordered cocking the gun in the direction he wanted me to go.

Walking forward slowly I breathed in the fresh air and smelled the sea before turning back towards him just as he raised the gun. As he held in the air, prepared to fire I held out my hand and whispered the word that I loved so much "Athos…" I wanted to say more, I wanted kiss his lips one last time and tell him that I loved him sincerely and that I was sorry before he shot me dead. But then I would be telling the truth, and for me that's the hardest job of all.

So I fell back, allowing myself to fall out of the aircraft and into the sea, knowing that he would never be able to pull that trigger just as I would never be able to say those words. I know that he thought that I did it only for him, but in truth I did it for both of us. After all, traitors are not known to be selfless, nor are they known to say those six special words no matter how much they'd want to.

Those words are "I love you and I'm sorry."

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_So that's it. I hoped you guys liked it, and I found it really odd that there aren't any more Musketeer fics. Hum…anyway please feel free to state you opinion! Constructive criticism is welcomed!_


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